The Afghan Woman

 

A man wearing a green turban aimed his AK47 at us as the woman scrambled for our Land Rover. Her voice squealed for help in her native language; her hands clawed at air for a freedom she could never possess. Her face, arms and legs were covered in a material they call the burka.

Joa, my driver, ignored the Afghan woman's pleas and accelerated as my camera clicked and whirred.  She scrambled in the dust behind the vehicle and her language had changed to broken English. 

"Please, help me! Take me with!"

I heard the fear in her voice. I felt her heart breaking.

"Stop, Joa!  Stop the damn vehicle!"

A bullet ricocheted off the vehicle, but instead of stopping, he accelerated. I couldn't let this woman stay here to suffer a moment longer and I lashed out at him with a fist to his head. He applied brakes, not quite stopping, just enough for her to catch up. He accelerated as she grabbed my hand. I pulled her up as another shot rang out and clutched her to my chest. With one long breath, she sighed, relieved that she had found safety in my arms.

Safe from forced marriages, safe from being denied basic education, safe from being poisoned if she dared allow her daughters to go to school. We stopped ten miles away, and she was still in my arms. 

I released her gently. She fell off the seat and onto the soft desert sand, a gaping hole in the side of her body.

She had been so still in my arms. 

So still.

A note from the author:
This short piece is dedicated to all the repressed women in this world of ours.  Let us all celebrate women not just during these next 16 days, but forever.


Louis Harris

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Name

Comment

Date

Erna

The Hero-story is an excellent way to influence people to do better, I think. We need many more stories like this one, but set in our own country. I think my Muslim friends in South Africa would be just as horrified as I am, contemplating the life of the character in your story. I think one must guard against hate-mongering, whilst speaking out against injustice wherever it may be found.

Points 4

2007-12-11

Ginny Swart

I didn’t see this as hate mongering at all, I thought it was a strong piece of writing and one that could have been played out on CNN any night of the week.
Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing

2007-12-14

James Tobias

Good one.
Enjoyed the pace. Pity so short.
Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing

2007-12-15

Mandy

I loved this story and I think you managed to capture the atmosphere, the characters and the situation in very few words - the true craft of writing. I found myself disappointed at the thought of her being shot, then relieved that she seemed to have survived only to discover that she was dead - brilliant! Well done!

Points 5 - Perfect! This piece of writing, in my opinion, cannot be improved!

2007-12-18

Barbara Durlacher

Enjoyed this piece of writing although there are a couple of infelicitious phrases which do not sit well, particularly in the first paragraph. Louis has captured the atmosphere well, although I felt the story would benefit from being a little longer, with more time spent on reating a greater sense of "background" and "place". However, the story is strong enough to stand on it's own without that - these are small quibbles when commenting on a good tale!

Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing

2008-01-11