Is it the feeling?

Is it the feeling?
The sun sheds a tear of joy
The wind whistles for us a harmony
And even winter feels a warmth inside

Is it because we're in love?
When we say we're just friends
Yet do things only lovers dream of.

Is it because of that feeling?
That when I sit with you,
I hold your hands and smile,
Dumbfounded not knowing what to do.

Is it because you love me?
That when we kiss, my heart stops.
And when you're in my arms all doesn't matter.
When you see me your knees tremble
And you can't hide your gracious smile.

Are we in deepest denial?
That we keep assuring ourselves,
We are just friends.

Siyaduma Noel Biniza

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Name	Comment	Date
Erna	This is so sweet! It takes me back to when I was fourteen… I think the piece needs quite a bit of editing to get it just perfect as far as its FORM is concerned, but the CONTENT really grabbed me. Enchanting! Points 3	2008-02-01
James	This is charming in its naivety. A number of unnecessary words but enjoyable. Still think you should be commenting on other writers’ pieces if you want to improve your own. Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-02-02
Louis	I enjoyed reading this poem. I read it twice and the third time I was breaking it down and playing with it. I would not have included the title as a first line. The sun sheds a tear of joy is a beautiful line to begin with because it prepares the reader for the poem's tone. Your first stanza is beautifully read. Is it because we're in love? When we say we're just friends Yet do things only lovers dream of. The first question is important, because all the emotions of the piece follow from this one question, yet you tend to ask the same question albeit in a different way in all the other stanzas.  So I would remove these questions. Is it because of that feeling? Is it because you love me? That when we kiss, my heart stops. And when you're in my arms all doesn't matter. When you see me your knees tremble And you can't hide your gracious smile. The last question, Are we in deepest denial? is perfect. In all I would delete two questions and leave two. Now try to join the poem. Don't leave lines between the stanzas.  Make it one big stanza.  ~ When this is done, remove the line, When we say we're just friends, from the poem altogether (2nd stanza).  I loved the idea that it needs to be the climax of the poem and not mentioned before the end. These are just some of my thoughts. The poem has great merit.  I know of people who were friends before they fell in love. They have a remarkable relationship. From a conversation point of view, this topic always works. I know that the piece needs a bit of editing and rewriting, but it has promise to be something great. Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-02-03
Ron	Is it the feeling? Is it because you love me? Are we in deepest denial? The sun sheds a tear of joy The wind whistles for us a harmony And even winter feels a warmth inside We are just friends. Like Erna the content takes me back in time to my feelings of lost love in my youth. For me the whole poem is in the edited lines and the form I've rewritten them above. Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-02-04