Peace of Mind

Humankind is full of commotion
Trying hard to bring transformation
All besotted by triumph
All into inventions

Humankind is desperate to leave a trace on this globe
The trace with no path
They have lost one thing
Peace of mind

The escalation of murder is no longer surprising
The two month old child raped does not seem like an ordeal
The usage of drugs has become another food to feed
The affection and infection of AIDS is like a flu
The child and women abuse is just another saga

The mind of humankind forgets one thing
As W.E. De Bois once said,
"Peace will be my applause"

Ntombizonke Mehlomakulu

Your comments will be appreciated. Please take a few moments to submit them here

Please use the back-button on your browser to return to the submissions page, or click Home

Name	Comment	Date
James Tobias	Poetry is a wide and varied subject and I guess if someone says what the have written is poetry, then it is. To me this piece of writing is not poetry, but rather commentary. It conveys the writer’s thoughts and little more. Poetry on the other hand allows the reader to determine their own opinion. I'm not sure what this sentence means: "The usage of drugs has become another food to feed" Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-01-04
Mandy	I agree with James that this reads more like a commentary, especially with the quote at the end. I think this may be because the lines do not have rhythm. Try omitting unnecessary words to capture some rhythm. You have some nice ideas here and the theme is well worth preserving. Remember many poems go thrpough many renditions before they are 'right' Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-01-26
Siya	I agree with what Mandy says but I think that this could be a new form of poetry. The writer may have put down his thoughts and it may be a conversational thingy but then it's up to the reader to make what they will of the writing. At the end of the day poetry is meant to provoke thought in the reader and if the words provoke thought they may not even be in the box defined as "poetry" but they fit as a poem because they are thought provoking. Poetry cannot be defined. In all honesty the concept is nice but I don't think it fits with the title. The title is about peace of mind and the outstanding words are about crime and sin. The only line that connects with the idea is the one about being consumed in invention and leaving a trace without a path. The rhythm is also bad. But at the end of the day I love the concept and I am surprised, I have never seen a quote in a poem. I appreciate the unconventional style of this poem. Keep it up! Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-02-14