The end of the pavement

Saying "I love you" was a cell I locked myself in
Saying "I love you" was the knell that tolled my death.
Saying "I love you" was the air. A breath.
Saying "I love you" was the confession I made. A sin

I still love you but let that not change my circumstance
I still love you should take away the pain by chance
I still love should make me wish for a reverse of time
I still love you won't mend this heart of mine.

If my love for you is rainfall, I am in drought.
If loving you is a breath, I need CPR.
If loving you is a celestial wonder, let it be a very faint star.
If my love for you is a destination, I am without a route.

Great people have said that love is all about tolerance.
But this happiness, my love for you, has become endurance
I know that love is the only thing that changes foe to friend
But baby, I wish I could tell the truth. Instead I pretend.

Siyaduma Noël Biniza

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Name	Comment	Date
James Tobias	I really battled with this piece. There is a very fine line between romanticism and obsession. The job of the writer is to work out where that line is. Point 1 - Difficult to "get into" - I did not follow what it was all about	2008-01-03
Louis Harris	This poem, to me, is tragic.  The narrator has given his love and now finds himself trapped and seeks release. His love has been a "deception" from the beginning. Look at stanza two.  No punctuation - needs to be addressed because the other stanza's have punctuation. Yes, love is about tolerance, but its also a commitment and true love can never be shaken.  Nice one.  Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-01-04
Ntombizonke Mehlomakulu	This is awesome, the flow is probably excellent xa uyitsho ngomlomo. Pretty good poem though Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-01-11
James Tobias	Ntombizonke? Interesting comments. "This is awesome, the flow is probably excellent xa uyitsho ngomlomo. Pretty good poem though" You say the poem is 'awesome', then go to say it is 'probably excellent, which hints that you are not sure, and finally it's a 'pretty good poem' A little confusing to say the least. It is possible that I have totally missed what you were saying.	2008-01-16
Ron Smerczak	As always with poetry I read it out aloud. This is a golden rule. For me your poem works, makes sense both rhythmically and emotionally. But it lacks depth as it is very straightforward, so my suggestion is to set it to music. Well done. Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-01-19
Mandy	This is a good poem that is capturing some very real sentiments. I read through the commentary from other people. It is interesting that comments were so varied and it brought home the fact that particularly poetry speaks to people in different ways. There will always be a reader for your work. Some people will love it and others will not. Well done. I could relate to what you were writing here. The only suggestion I would like to make is that you revise the title. Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-01-26