Isn't it ironic?

The more we advance, the less we progress.
The more we know, the less in humanity we grow.
The farther we move, the more we regress.
The more we find out, the less about life we know.

The world of today presents itself a million
Ways in just one. The farther time goes
The lesser we have of it. Until one day, an eon
Will only last a few seconds. Who knows?

Maybe one day I will be arrested
And tortured for spending time thinking
Of the abstract thoughts I have. I'll be detested
By humanity and manifested in violence - as every second is shrinking.

Things take less time. We travel across the world
In just a few pulses. Things that took years
Now take days, hours and seconds. This world
Will see a pregnancy last a week - a lifetime, a second. Those are my fears.

Love has since left the park and serenades
And entered bedrooms, parties and cars.
Emotions are meant to last a lifetime - not nowadays.
Relationships that are outlasted by quickies and stars

That blink by day. Who knows? Maybe the next malice
Might turn into justice. And the next heartbreak
Might be just a heartbeat away. Courageous
Is human cowardice, while sleep is while we're awake.

We find new ways to simplify things.
But in attempt to be simpler we complicate the simple.
Maybe tomorrow, birds will fly without wings.
Maybe a tear, a frown, a cry - will replace a dimple.

We find new ways to do things - simpler.
Maybe all this hatred is a simplified form of love.

Maybe life has become so difficult
That death is life - simplified.

Maybe the truth is so unbearable
That lies seem to be easier.

Siyaduma Noël Biniza

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Name	Comment	Date
Erna	Siya – you are a prolific writer! Poems just spill out of your pen! It makes me quite envious. It sets an example to me – I need to just have the courage to SAY it, just get it out, and down on paper. You are producing a large body of work. You are creating a great store of raw material for yourself, with which you can work to craft wonderful poetry. A poem sometimes takes years to be really perfect – like a great painting, it needs many adjustments. Sometimes, the things that looked so good at first need to be let go, however painful it is to cut them out. Tones, shades, colours need adjusting, shapes need refining. A work of art is seldom perfect when it is first set down on paper. Do not get disheartened when you keep on getting the comment that your submissions need editing and re-writing. Re-writing is something every writer does, all the time! It is a part of his craft. Points 2 – the poem needs some re-writing	2008-01-02
Louis Harris	Siya - The title hooked me.  I read your piece and smiled in agreement at the ironies of life.  You're on a creative streak and it’s all good.  I agree with Erna - rewriting and editing is the fun part. Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-01-03
James Tobias	One of your better works - if rating poetry is possible. Take heed of what everyone here is saying. Take the time to fine-tune your work. Take other writers’ works and critique them - it will help no end. Points 3 - Very promising piece of writing	2008-01-03
Erna	I just got a brain-wave, after reading your poem for the umpteenth time. I felt that the second line was clumsy. The rhyming was sort-of forced, and the rhythm was spoilt, but I could not think of a solution… but I’ve got it: The more we advance, the less we progress. The more we know, the less human we grow. And the next two lines can get the same treatment, with the same effect of making them “easier on the ear” yet more powerful and direct: The farther we move, the more we regress. The more we find out, the less we still know. Now put them together, and see how they flow: The more we advance, the less we progress. The more we know, the less human we grow. The farther we move, the more we regress. The more we find out, the less we still know. It now has a deceptively simple rhythm and “nursery-rhyme” that draws you in – and before you know it, you’re made to think about very profound problems and questions. It’s a lot more subtle and less forced. A writing coach once set me the exercise of seeing how many words I could cut out of my writing. Poetry is the art of few words.	2008-01-03
Mandy	Siya, I liked the irony and identified with your dilemmas. Your writing could be tighter. In this vein, I have reworked the first few lines to give you an idea of what I mean. I tried not to lose your essence, but make the writing tighter. I also tried to capture and enhance some of your rhythm See what you think: The more we advance, the less we progress. The more we know, the less humanity grows. The farther we move, the more we regress. The more we find out, the less we know. The world of today presents itself in a million ways The further time goes the less we have Until one day, an eon will last a few seconds. Who knows? Maybe one day I will be arrested Tortured for spending time thinking abstract thoughts I'll be detested and manifested in violence every second shrinking. Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-01-04
Ron Smerczak	Sorry Siya, this one did not pass the read aloud test. Something is wrong with the rhythm and the rhyme. Can't pinpoint it. What I did love and understand was the argument and your dilemma. An excellent observation. Read it aloud for yourself, this will help with the rhyme, the rhythm and the emotion you want your reader to extract from the piece. Like all the above comments. KEEP at IT! Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2008-01-19