they walk

They walk, their hands in the air

Clapping to the deafening chorus of the mute

Down and up the street they march

Singing with their eyes the music I dream to hear

Thinking of the foamy vomit that has embraced us all

Their hands still waving to the tune of the unseen

Watching them parading the street,

I wonder

Who arose them from the dead?

But left me caressing this moulding tomb?

Mampho

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Name	Comment	Date
Erna	I love the first four lines! Especially - Clapping to the deafening chorus of the mute For me, the shock of the words “foamy vomit” is just too much. It overwhelms the subtlety of the rest of the poem. The image is just too strong. It took me a few readings to be able to “hear” the next lines. The word “arose” is incorrect. It should be “raised”: Who raised them from the dead? How about: They walk, their hands in the air Clapping to the deafening chorus of the mute Down and up the street they march Singing with their eyes the music I dream to hear Their hands still waving to the tune of the unseen. Watching them parading the street, I wonder Who raised them from the dead, And left me caressing this moulding tomb?	2007-05-25
Mandy Lebides	Mampho, I think Erna has made an excellent suggestion. It demonstrated how precise and economical one has to be about words when writing poetry. My experience is that it often takes 3 or 4 renditions before the poem sounds 'right'. Interestingly, even the skilled and well-seasoned poets write their poems many times over - this I discovered with huge relief! I hope you have taken this commentary well and we await your next submission with anticipation	2007-09-25