the unending

The might that the nail is
Hit with, is a fight to break
the unending cycle of poverty
That plagues one when the coins,
Seize to accumulate, when the toil you put
in is Minute to muster up persperation
That too your ration of food is minute's
worth of prosperity : promising but robbing you
of the delight of a full stomach
And you as a victim are left humming a tune of
Prosperity that never comes into reality and
regrees begins until you fall into a pit
that passes both victim and incident into  oblivion
as one would assume for an eternity
That even prayer only sinks you deeper into this
             bottomless Pit, where
Your soul shall forever spiral and haunt your family-tree
because your spirit was thrashed by uncertainity that it knows no heaven, only perguary to be a suitable habitat
Raging the rough seas, battered by rocks and reefs
and your cycle ends passing onto the next
when the mite of the nail is minute
to plunge through metamorphic rock
and hence you find the cycle unbroken
the unending continuing leaving you behind

Kekeletso Molebatsi

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Name	Comment	Date
Louis harris	This poetry must be read out loud and performed in order to be understood.  Performance poetry in SA is relatively new and doesn't translate all that well to the written page.  Punctuation and voice is important here, but I couldn't "feel" the prose due to a lack of punctuation.  Kekeletso, you should expect yourself at times to write straight onto the paper words and thoughts far better than you knew were in you.  You should look for it and want it. But a person's best writing is often all mixed up together with his worst.  If he will let himself write it and come back later, he will find some parts of it are excellent.  For most writers some of their strangest sounds, rhythms and textures, and some of their best insights, only occur when they stop censoring and simply write, but come back and nurture the baby to perfection. We all tend to believe in word magic. If I think words my mind will be tricked into believing them.  If I speak those words, I'll believe in them more strongly, and if I write them down, I am somehow committed to them and my behaviour is determined by them. This is performance poetry. This is a great piece and it says a lot about our society, but, in my view, needs to grow and cook. It's a promising challenge, and with a good edit, it will certainly develop ring to it. Gremlins = Seize = Should be, Cease to accumulate, regrees = Should be regress begins until you fall into a pit uncertainity = Should be uncertainty that it knows no heaven, only perguary = should it be purgatory or perjury?  to be a suitable habitat points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2007-12-25
James Tobias	Not bad at all. A few areas that didn’t gel but you got your point across and the sense of frustration and hopelessness. A few typos. They are even more unacceptable in a short piece of poetry than in a piece of prose. Poetry relies so much on presentation and even the slightest typing error can throw the whole poem. Keep at it. Points 2 - This writing needs a bit of editing and/or re-writing	2007-12-26